‘Leaving each other gifts of sweets in the office’: Woman Finds Incriminating Messages Between Her Husband and His Female Co-Worker, Sparking Suspicions About His Fidelity

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    Think I've caught my husband pre-cheat? '30F' and '34M'
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    Married a few years with a new baby so I'm '30/F' especially insecure and emotional right now. Just wanted some advice to see if I'm overthinking things?
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    Partner '34/M' has been in his job a number of years, all the while working alongside R. I was not aware of them spending time together outside of work and was never concerned about their friendship until a few months ago when I found a toy story
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    miniature in my partners car. When I asked what it was he said R had gave it to him as some sort of "friend in me gesture." Since then I've felt uneasy any time he brings her up. He mostly talks about how he had to help her that
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    day, something her partner did or how she is "just like you." She bought a present for our baby but when we met her to collect this he kept telling her how great she looked since she'd started her new diet. She has lost a lot of weight, especially compared to me post pregnancy.
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    Today I opened his phone to look up something and it was still on his messenger. I seen there were recent messages from R which I clicked on. There was a lot of communication and that took me surprise. About 50% was work related. He'd also sent her
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    pictures from our vacation at the weekend and pictures of him with our new baby. Hed said he has songs to play to her and they gave eachother TV and film recommendations. They also seemed to be leaving eachother gifts of sweets in the office. R
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    thanked him many times for supporting her and allowing her to vent to him. I think what hurt the most was arranging to meet for morning coffees and "thanks for taking me to lunch" comments. Meanwhile im at home with baby all day without a chance to even get a hot cup of tea. R reacted to a lot of what he said with a heart.
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    Would you confront him about this? Do you think it sounds like a strong friendship and I should just be happy he has someone to eat with and stop looking at his phone?
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    This feels very similar to how my relationship with him started and I'm very worried but I don't want to talk to him about it. This is the first time I've ever read his messages in ten years but I think my gut is telling me something is up.
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    TL;DR: (wrongly) read husband's messages to his female colleague and now I'm worried they are too close and leading up to an affair.
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    Top_Detective91... . 16h ago I don't think this is pre cheating, this feels like the beginning to an emotional affair and he may not even be aware of it fully. When you're going out of your way to buy another woman gifts. and actively thinking of things that you can share
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    that will make them happy and communicating as much as they are seems wrong to me. With a new baby it's easy to fall away from each other but it's important to make time for just you guys outside of your child. I would talk to him about how his actions are upsetting you.
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    Does he do nice stuff and buy stuff for you? If no then I'd be more worried because you shouldn't be doing anything for a woman that you aren't doing for your wife.
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    ThornedRoseWrites 17h ago • It's suspicious, but you can only know for sure if you speak with him. But realistically you should come before some female friend, yet you never seem to cross his mind? Why can't he (for once) think: "My wife is stuck at home with our newborn baby, probably absolutely exhausted and in need of a break... I should pick her up some fresh coffee and a bite to eat for her. Then once I get home
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    I will take the baby off of her hands for an hour or so, so that she can eat and drink then shower in peace and it will give her that much deserved break." ??? Because that is what he should be thinking and doing. So you need to tell him how his neglect is affecting you and how you're tired of being an afterthought. Then mention the messages, if he gets majorly defensive, then that's even more
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    suspicious. Make sure to ask if he'd be fine with you having an arrangement like this but with a male friend. And if he wouldn't like you having a male friend that you would grab coffee with on the regular and text so often - then you can call him out on the hypocrisy and double standards, because it's If he wouldn't like or let you do that... then he doesn't get to, either.
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    • MossValley 16h ago When you said he "helped her that day" and "something about her partner" was she having marital problems with her partner? If she is venting to your husband about her husband then I think you might be getting inti emotional affair territories. I'm sure you wouldn't want him to ventbto her about you so I'm hoping thats not their dynamic.
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    Buying regular little gifts for eachother is really concerning. I think you should talk to him about it but try to stay calm and don't be accusatory.
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    wittystuff843 15h ago I think that you shouldn't get caught up whether or not this is cheating - this is extremely inappropriate for both of them to be at this level of closeness with each other, and you are extremely uncomfortable and hurt with it, which is enough to say it's wrong. They are both crossing boundaries when it comes to
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    venting about each others - - relationships – if there's issues in your relationship he should be talking to YOU. They are crossing boundaries when it comes to gift giving he should be gifting gifts to YOU. It's crossing boundaries going out to lunch together when he should be bringing lunch to YOU! The mother of his child?!? HELLO?! The messaging is
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    inappropriate as it is behind your back and in my opinion, emotional cheating. Geez, I would go even further and message her how inappropriate her actions are and I would ask how she would like it if you were this close to her partner, or how her partner would feel if he knew she was doing all these things? If you get a bad reaction don't get caught up in it, it will be
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    deflection. Sounds like he thinks he can have his cake and eat it too, have his wife at home looking after the baby and home while he can go out and have fun with his female colleague and they can give each other attention and validation and all sorts - it's honestly disgusting and I would
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    suggest leaving him. It sounds like he cares more about her feelings and what's she's going through and completely neglecting you. She should find someone else who doesn't have a wife to vent to or like maybe a therapist

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